One of the hardest parts of losing my son has been watching my daughter navigate life without him—her baby brother, confidante, playmate, and best friend. Rishaan completed our family in ways we never imagined. Watching the two of them grow up together brought us a joy beyond words. Now, I watch her play alone and often wonder what’s going through her mind. What does her grief feel like? It breaks my heart she had to understand the finality of death at such a young age. I’m not sure she has been able to fully process her emotions around this loss, so I’ve been reading about it, trying to understand what might be going on beneath the surface.
When a sibling dies, it can be deeply confusing and distressing for a child. They may experience a wide range of emotions: sadness, anger, fear, confusion, or worry. Some children fear that other family members might also die, or that they themselves may not be safe. Grief looks different for every child. While some may cry often, throw tantrums, or withdraw, others might pretend nothing has happened. Some may ask when their sibling is coming home or show signs of developmental regression. Others might focus intently on school, adopt their sibling’s interests, or ask many difficult questions around death, funeral, rebirth and God. My daughter occasionally comes up with these questions and it is tricky to answer them in an age-appropriate manner.
Grief can also show up in physical and mental health. Children might complain of headaches or stomach aches, struggle with sleep, experience appetite changes, or have nightmares. Some may develop separation anxiety. And sometimes, a child may seem unaffected not because they don’t feel the loss, but because they don’t yet know how to express it. Creating ways to remember their sibling such as lighting a candle, playing a favourite song, or looking through photos together can help. These small acts of remembrance help children stay connected to their sibling while processing their own grief.
We often talk about the bravery and resilience of childhood cancer warriors, and rightly so but there is a quiet, often overlooked strength in their siblings too. No matter the age, cancer siblings are like a rainbow during the storm, bringing comfort, laughter, and a sense of normalcy to their brother (or sister) through treatment. And in the heartbreaking event of loss, they often become the reason for their parents to keep going.
Neha Bhatnagar
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